Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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