I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
