I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How does it feel to date your dad?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
