No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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