just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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