she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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