just tell him i said nine months
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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