dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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