WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
