when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
