I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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