guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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