im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Come on in and take your pants off
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