what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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