I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
