I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
