"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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