lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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