the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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