Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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