I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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