Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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