just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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