Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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