Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
