meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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