Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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