SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
