Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
