we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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