I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
