This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
