Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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