The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize