I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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