I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
