Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
