I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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