So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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