I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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