I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
