I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
