I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize