he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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