Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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