I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I deserve this hangover.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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