Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
