We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
