i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im holly from the hills drunk
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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