Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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