How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
