If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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