nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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