I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
