arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
