Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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