I can tuck mytits in my pants
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
