quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
