yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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