Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
