final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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