I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
