i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
