I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize