If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
