What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
