This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
