he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
