I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
