Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
