I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
