i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
