i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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