instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
