She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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