Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
